Building Community as a New Victoria Mamma in a New Country

When I became a mother,  I also became a stranger — a new me in a completely new part of town in an unfamiliar country. Yet somewhere in that disorienting mix of exhaustion and wonder, something shifted. There was a kind of spiritual, miraculous energy that pushed me to rebuild from scratch — to find my people, my rhythm, and a sense of belonging. I had no family nearby, no mom friends to text at 2 a.m., and no established support system. It didn’t take long to realize that, for my own wellbeing and sanity, I needed to build a community — to find my people, my network, and a sense of belonging, one that would support both me and the version of myself I was becoming.

So, I got to work. I poured a lot of energy into putting myself out there — often being the most forward and chatty person in the room, even when that energy wasn’t always returned. Over time, I realized something had to shift. I couldn’t keep showing up in the same way and expecting deeper connection to just happen.

I needed to try different approaches, and most importantly, to reconnect with myself along the way.

My journey has been full of trial and errors, lots of fails, and experiments:

• Baby groups – great for light mum chat, but not necessarily where deep connections are formed.

• Pre- and postnatal yoga – good for wellbeing, met a few acquaintances.

• The Peanut app – surprisingly successful; I still talk to some mums I met through it.

• Impromptu playground and daycare conversations – not so successful (a lot of awkward smiles!).

• Playdates – yes, but better outdoors than indoors.

Still, I felt something was missing.

I wanted to connect beyond motherhood to feel whole, not just “mum.” So I started branching out, I joined: 

• iWIST (Island Women in Science and Technology) and attended their summer event. 
• Chatted with my Airbnb guests and attended Airbnb community events.
• Tried a new yoga class.
• Leaned into professional coaching tips for networking.
• I reconnected with parts of myself I’d put on pause — my joy for music I loved, driving with freedom (learning to drive on the opposite side of the road with confidence and with a baby was not an easy feat), self care products and rituals (yes, Sephora!) British food comforts (hello, Sainsbury’s range), craft breweries, and meditation, documentaries (proud geek).
• I even researched the Canadian side of my family tree and connected with distant cousins who happened to live near me.

One big realization has shaped this whole experience: the more I felt like me, the easier it became to connect with others. When I accepted I wasn't going to fit into the mold at everywhere I showed up and paid attention to my true self, I began finding people who resonated.

A few things I’ve learned along the way:

• Make time and set intention for community-building —easier said than done, it doesn’t just happen!

• Remember, not everyone will be your cup of tea (as we say in Britain!) — and that’s definitely okay!

• Don’t take it personally when things don’t click.

• Be open to friendship and connection with anyone — your elderly neighbour, a mum older or younger than you, or someone from a culture you’ve never encountered before. Some of the most surprising and meaningful connections come from the most unexpected places.

• Be open to trying new things — sometimes connection starts where comfort ends. Outdoor activities, for instance, was never “my thing” back in London, but here it’s become a doorway to new friendships (and breathtaking views).

• Give yourself grace — finding time to do things for you as a new mom is hard —  and it’s such a long process.

I’m still on this journey, but I’m beginning to feel like I’m building a beautiful, full life here — one connection at a time.

What about you?

What other things would you add to this list?
What groups, spaces, or experiences in Victoria or the Westshore have helped you find a sense of community and belonging?