A Love Letter to a Different Motherhood

Dear Motherhood,

 I never truly understood what it would mean to become a mother without my own mother by my side—until I became one.

It was me, a new country, a new baby, and a heart torn between the life I left behind and the one I was trying to build.

Though I had phone calls to lean on during sleepless nights—a familiar voice assuring me that things would eventually get easier—it couldn’t replace the comfort of physical presence, the safety net of closeness, or the love felt in a simple embrace.

There are moments when I grieve the kind of motherhood I could have had. At times, I feel naive for the path I chose—and guilty for even feeling this way. But I remind myself to stay compassionate with myself, navigating this journey without the anchor of weekly visits, shared meals, or the steady, loving hands of my own mother by my side. Instead, I’ve had to learn how to mother through trial and error—through feeling, failing, and finding my own rhythm in the unfamiliar space of a time zone that feels like a no man’s land.

I was hopeful, maybe too optimistic, and trusting before I truly understood the people, promises, and expectations that awaited me here. I thought community and care would naturally fill the gap my mother’s absence left behind. But life had other plans.

In the emptiness of disappointment, loneliness, and longing, I discovered something unexpected—I grew. Deeply. Profoundly.

What I’ve gained is this:

A resilience that can’t be shaken. Independence that feels empowering. The courage to ask for help when the load becomes too heavy. The strength to assert my boundaries unapologetically. And in this journey, I’ve uncovered more about my culture, my truths, my history—pieces of myself I might never have explored if my path to motherhood had been different.

So, this is a love letter to the motherhood I once dreamed of—and a thank you to the one that has shaped me into who I am today. It’s messy, it’s brave, and it’s uniquely mine.

This is my daughter's story. As it is my story too—a story of  how to turn longing into love, hardship into resilience, and distance into depth.

Love, Me